You have probably heard people say they don’t feel like they matter. Of course, feeling and actually being are two different things, but that’s not what I want to talk about. As you may have gathered from the title, the thoughts on my mind today are the differences between being valued versus mattering.
Let’s break it down.
Mattering is typically referring to whatever you are doing or you are and the impact that has on those around you. We ALL matter. We ALL have an impact on those around us and hopefully, that impact is good.
Being valued, however, is different. It typically is defined by those around you; where mattering is a direct result of you, being valued is an indirect result of how you’re treated by those around you. For example, if you do a good deed that impacted a lot of people, you made a difference in a good way and that mattered. If those people appreciated it and expressed their gratitude towards you, you felt like that deed, no matter what you did, was valued and therefore you felt valued.
I’d like to share with you now what actually inspired me to write this because I feel it’s important.
Today at my college there was an open house and there where lots of prospective students touring campus. Lots of the students already attending college here, including myself, had “jobs” to help make everything go smoothly as people walked through different areas and experienced a little bit of what college is like here. My job was to take photos. Now, I deliberately made an effort to help today — I didn’t have to. Many students received extra credit in class or maybe were even required to help, I’m not sure how individual instructors went about things, but all I know is that no one asked me to help. I enjoy helping and although I was hoping to give tours, I got the job of taking photos, which still was an enjoyable job as there was lots of flexibility and I pretty much could go anywhere and do anything I wanted. That part was really cool — and I still was able to interact with a lot of the tour guides, prospective students as well as faculty and staff.
I feel I worked hard to get a camera for this job. I couldn’t get access to either of the two journalism cameras here at the school. One is a Nikon D200 with an external flash and two lenses and the other is a Canon HD video camera. Both were absent and although I have an idea where they might be, I honestly don’t know. I tried getting in contact with the faculty instructor for the journalism team, which I’m in charge of, and never did hear from him. So that pretty much rules out any top notch and high quality media. After I decided that I couldn’t do any more to change that, I went to my next option, which was a Canon point and shoot — nothing fancy.
Here’s the part that bothers me. Throughout the day today, I worked hard to get around the chaos, get as good of pictures that I could and try to get everywhere on campus. Sure our campus isn’t huge, but walking everywhere and just trying to track people down in the right areas at the right times was still really difficult… especially for one person. It would have been nice to have some scouts out telling me where to be and what’s happening where.
Despite all the effort though, from getting a good camera to going all over campus getting photos, I honestly don’t feel like that was valued or that I was valued. I wasn’t compensated for lunch today. I wasn’t really told “thank you for what you’re doing Aaron.” I wasn’t asked if there was anything I could be helped with. And after the open house was done and I was kind of just standing around… I didn’t really feel like I made a difference.
This is what brings me to the difference between being valued and mattering. Did I make a difference and matter today? Yes absolutely. This school doesn’t have a lot of photos and it’s something that they need more of… it’s also something that I’m planning to continue to do. However, did I feel like I was valued today? Not at all!
And, honestly, I wonder how many students feel the same. Maybe some were compensated more than I was, but that brings me to my next point. I often feel like because I’m not the “traditional” student, meaning one who gets awesome grades, is in the “two years here then graduate and get away” program, and went about their time here the “planned” way, I’m often not considered in the same caliber. To me it makes no sense. I have been an RA (and I feel a good one as I don’t drink or party and I was the ONLY RA in the residence hall at that time). I have been a Student Ambassador and many of my recruits did/are doing very well here. I’m Parliamentarian on Student Senate and take leadership roles throughout campus. I am also the head editor and president of the journalism club… oh and did I mention I’m the only student that puts the publications together and the “team” is just me and one other faculty member who is the adviser? Well I’m that too. I also am getting one minor and my major includes two emphases.
So why wasn’t I chosen to be an RA when I applied two separate times? Why am I not chosen to give tours through campus as I have so many other times? Why haven’t I been able to find any work study available to make money with the numerous things I do throughout campus. I am constantly offering to help, yet seldom compensated for my efforts here at this college. This I feel is a huge downfall. I’ve built up relationships with the Associate Dean, Residence Hall Manager, Recruiting Officer and several other high positions on campus and usually give them feedback about what’s working and what doesn’t, or ideas about things that could be done to improve campus, but often I don’t feel like those really matter.
I would think a college would want every student to be that involved, and I’m not saying I’m the only one, but there are very few of us who are. Why am I not getting anywhere with my efforts? Is it me or is it the college not valuing what I do? Is a combination? Am I just expecting too much? I am quite honest with myself and don’t mind assessing my faults. If I, or someone else, sees a fault in me then I try to make the appropriate adjustments for a positive change.
Those are my thoughts and feelings for today and I know it was long, but if you read this whole thing, I greatly appreciate and value that. I hope you, as a friend and follower, feel valued. That has always been my goal: to make those around me feel valued. I do value my education, instructors and this college here, but I don’t necessarily feel I am valued in return. I don’t think any dean of any college would want to hear those words from any student, so if this does happen to cross the dean of this college’s path, hopefully it will make a difference.
Thanks for reading and have the best day of your life today!
Yesterday I had probably the most productive day all semester. What caused this huge increase you may be asking… well the lack of the internet/computer does wonders. I had to send my laptop to the insurance company to get fixed (not sure what it’s life expectancy is) and at first I was really freaking out! I had no internet!!
But then I realized all the stuff I could get done. It began by putting away some stuff like wires, wireless keyboard, etc. that I wouldn’t be needing for a while. Then it moved to laundry, dishes, organizing drawers, making my bed, sweeping the floor etc.
But I didn’t just clean my room, I also worked out for the first time all year… actually all SCHOOL year, if not longer. It felt great and terrible at the same time. I used a machine called the “climber”, which does exactly what the name implies — emulates climbing. I also did some ab workouts and strengthening exercises for my pretty-much-crippled-shoulder. Then I made myself run 1 mile after all that. Just for the record I can’t remember the last time I ran. I was a cross country in high school, so my senior year was the last time I ran competitively, but even just for exercise I can’t remember.
Then after I basically died and came back to life, I hung out with a friend and we had some good conversations.
Overall, great day! I am looking forward to no laptop/constant access to the internet for a while. So that means I won’t be blogging a lot, but I still should be able to some here and there.
Thanks for reading and I hope you guys have the best day of your life today!
This is a prime example of how people completely overreact without using their head and just assuming that, basically, people are out ‘hatin’ on ‘em. What a great attitude to have… that type of attitude will get you nowhere in life.
But anyways, let me explain this photo. This is not a friend of mine, but a friend of a friend, who’s photo I had commented on. Facebook notified me of this girl’s comment, so I thought I’d help. Apparently, she thought my remark was “F****ng rude” …which caught me quite off guard to say the least!
I reread my comment trying to think of how it might come across as “rude”, I didn’t get anywhere. So I decided to give her my opinion because apparently she already thought I was rude so how much worse could it get? I guess we’ll see…
If she does comment, I’m predicting two reactions and neither of them are probably going to be positive, despite my efforts. She either…
Get angry due to embarrassment, realizing she was an idiot for jumping to such drastic conclusions without even considering any other outcome.
Just call me rude again.
Neither would surprise me… and maybe even both will happen. This really is only the tip of the iceberg. I suppose there is a problem, like I pointed out in my reply to her, that people can adhere any “tone” they want to text when reading it.
For example, if I want a writer to sound dumb while reading their content, I can place that tone in my head while reading it and no matter how intelligent they might be or how thought out the content was, because of my perception, the premise(s) and conclusion of the content was “dumb” based on my views.
This is one reason I refuse to ever have serious conversations where conflict could result over chat: texting, email, IM, etc. At the very least: a phone call. Even better: a video call so they can also see facial expressions… And best yet: in person.
But honestly, we as a whole (and I’m talking about everyone — including myself), just jump to WAY to many conclusions without thinking things out. Whether it’s a huge topic or just something small like this. So I thought I’d point this out and use it as an example because it really is sad that people are like this and so insensitive to others. I honestly feel that how we think of ourselves is out we view others. If we dislike ourselves, we may feel that others are trying to condemn or antagonize us… thus interpreting what they say as that too even if they mean well and are just trying to help in some way.
Thought of the Day: I figured out that if you "use all of your compliments up for the month" BEFORE Valentine's Day, then you don't have to feel sorry for people who feel sorry for themselves! Brilliant!
This morning I get online and my feeds all over are blowing up about Whitney Houston, the amazingly talented pop culture star, found dead.
Same reaction whenever any celebrity dies… Amy Whitehouse… Michael Jackson… etc. And the media focuses completely on their death, which is often times the misuse of drugs and alcohol.
It going me thinking… why are people who are so famous, so popular, so wealthy, so well liked, so talented, so sad and lonely and willing to take their life?
Personally, I feel I know why — self. It sounds quite harsh talking about these people once they’re gone and they’d have no way to defend themselves.
I’m not antagonizing them. I’m just pointing out why these things happen. And focusing on self is that reason. Like Dashama Gordon said, we need to be grateful to keep from falling into the path of thinking of self, but to me it’s more than that.
How do we become grateful? And what should we be grateful for?
We become grateful by taking the focus off ourselves and putting it to God. We can be grateful for lots of things: life, friends, family, the natural beauty of this earth, but really only one thing matters and that is our salvation.
It doesn’t get any simpler than that. You might disagree, but that is my revelation.
I feel everyone should read this. If you’re a girl you may be able to relate more than a guy, but it would be good for you no matter who you are, what your current situation in life is, etc.
This touches upon the greater purpose of life and I’d have to agree with most of what was said — not all — but most. My grandpa was a chain smoker and an alcoholic. His five children and his wife all stuck around, but at a huge cost. They didn’t have happy lives. When I say “stuck around” I don’t mean his children didn’t try to leave as soon as they could, some did — although my grandma always stayed with him.
When I was three he made the sacrifice and choice to quite all things addicting. This drastically changed his life and I would forever have amazing memories as a grandchild that my dad, aunts and uncles never experienced while living at home. I truly value those times. And although he didn’t completely change his spirit (he could still be grumpy and irrational) he did change a lot… for us grandchildren.
Some times in life it’s hard to let go of these natural addictions no matter what they are and no matter what our excuse is for them, but eventually they will destroy our life, our spirit and everyone around us — not just those who love us or who are close, but everyone we come in contact with.
These are just some thoughts. I might post some more that come to me later. Thanks for reading and be sure to check out Dashama’s blog!
Last night the entire world was stunned and saddened by the news that Whitney Houston, one of the most beautiful and talented artists of all time, was found dead in her Beverly Hills Hotel room.
For me, it was much more saddening to see how the media was talking about her life, with great emphasis upon her addictions and her negative habits that had destroyed her career and caused her so much pain and suffering. This was the same response as when Michael Jackson was found dead and countless other celebrities whose lives ended due to drugs & alcohol.
The sad fact is, this is not a rare or uncommon concern in our world today.
Even my own mother, so similar to Whitney in many ways, had been lead down a path of self destruction and addiction to drugs, which eventually lead to her demise.
The newscasters mentioned it must be genetic, since this type of story was not limited to any one class of people. Addiction affects both poor and rich people, young and old, talented and average people alike.
It’s so common amongst celebrities these days, and I can honestly understand why. Hollywood and the media puts so much pressure upon celebrities to be perfect, look perfect and live in a fish bowl for everyone to see each detail of their private lives. This is very damaging to one’s psyche.
Imagine never being able to be human, live a normal life, walk down the street without cameras, tabloids or TMZ following your every move. That would certainly wear upon the spirit and mind eventually, leading one to seek out solutions for an immediate fix. Drugs are so often that ‘answer’ for people in this world.
I could really agree with what one NBC reporter said, “drugs are the one problem that feels like a solution when you are down and out or in pain.” This is all too true and a sad fact in our world.
The point I disagree with is that they say its genetic, but they didn’t mention that it can be cured. In fact, falsely, they stated that it is an incurable disease that plagues millions of people.
And that is simply not true.
I know first hand, since I am much like Whitney’s daughter, also a survivor of a deceased mother who at one time, myself had a whole slew of addictions and bad habits.
The difference is, I was saved. And I healed my life with the power of love, yoga, meditation, healthy diet, replacing negative habits with positive ones and finding my true purpose in life at the service of others.
This is the difference.
It must be quite difficult to grow to such fame that one no longer has to work for anything and thus begins to find no purpose or meaning in life.
This is often what leads to depression and what causes us to attract abusive negative relationships like she had with Bobbie Brown.
I also had this tendency, for many years. Because of a deep inner pain that I couldn’t understand back then, I attempted to ‘find happiness’ in drugs (mostly marijuana) and alcohol, for many years.
The men I attracted were always abusive ‘bad boy’ types who couldn’t even love themselves, so it made perfect sense they couldn’t love me properly.
My mother had been the same, so I felt natural and comfortable in the pain and lack of real connection for many years.
Then one day, I was saved. I have to admit, it was by the Christian church initially, that brought me to my knees and took me out of my illusion (maya in yogic terms). It happens differently for everyone. It was clear that Whitney (and my mother for that matter) had been raised in a church community, so they rebelled against it, which is also a common path for many people.